So this is my Saturn Return album... So yeah. Be prepared for some gut-wrenchers. But I end the album with some happy folk tunes, including Ragged Mountain Rag, which I recorded minutes after writing it.
Oh Saturn, you little devil you. Betrayal and abandonment by travelling friends was a massive theme, right alongside with letting go of pre-concieved notions, releasing the “should’s” while healing in hiding. Another theme was having physical boundaries crossed. No Pasa Nada is a response to that last one. I awoke one night by being felt up by one of my “friends” and in the morning when I confronted him my two male travelling partners acted as if nothing happened. I left them all and ran away to my favorite mountains in Oaxaca, tucking myself into nature and away from humans to heal. For a full 24 I meditated, drew, wrote and sang most of my woes away, but it’s a scar I’ll carry forever. I’ve since forgiven the person, for I find forgiveness to be the best way to move on from pain, but when I talk to lady friends about it, the common response is to say the same thing has happened to them. It’s actually RARE to find a woman who hasn’t been physically violated in some way. The whole thing was a huge eye-opener about just how commonand un-talked-about sexual assault is. So I’m talking about it. Growing up I was fed this bull-shit about the love revolution of the 60’s, but we still have the exact same problems today: Inequality amongst gender, race, sexual preference, and class. Well, I can’t take down the state run racist patriarchy, but I can take responsibility for myself: mind, body and heart, and in that sense I create my own autonomy, though I’m not always free from the entanglements of the world. (ACAB)
Some of these songs, (which I’ll thankfully never have to sing again) were in response to the greatest musical heartbreak I’ve ever known. But the most powerful lessons come from the greatest pain, so here’s to overcoming ego and learning to communicate. Sometimes it’s easier to not have a conversation than to face up, but it creates so much more pain and drama in the long run. How many times do I have to learn this?? I claim full responsibility for not having taken the initiative, but sometimes I wish my friends were smarter and braver than me. We’re all cowardly idiots. We’re all saints, we’re all assholes. We’re all human. We’re all learning. I’ve learned about gardening, recording and how awesome riding a bike is. I’ve learned it’s okay to not travel sometimes, for all labels must be transcended if we’re to find true unity. It’s important to tear out the weeds of your soul and plant new seeds, new ideas, watering them with self-love and forgiveness. But it’s hard. Really-fuking-hard. It’s raw, emotional and honest, which is exactly what this album is. It doesn’t hold back.But I try to bring in the light, too, shining it on the darkest parts of the me-that-is-you.
“And I’ll rise above delusion,
above betrayals fame,
For inlakesh, I do confess,
feral truth cannot be tamed.”
released August 14, 2015
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